20 Things you need to know before going into a relationship.
Before I started dating my first date, I didn’t know anything about relationships. I thought I did, but I was wrong. So, like probably almost everyone else in the world, I went into my first relationship without any idea of what I was doing or what I was supposed to do. I was confused, in love bordering on obsession, and felt totally out of my league most of the time.
So it’s safe to say that I wish I had read something like this before I went into my first relationship – because knowing these things now makes my current relationship that much easier. Of course, realizing this stuff usually comes with time and experience, but wouldn’t you rather know it now before getting into your first relationship? Here are the things you need to know before getting into a relationship (trust me on this stuff):
1. Your sex drives won't always be as compatible as they were at the start. One of you likes it in the morning and the other one doesn't! Or lunar cycles! Or work stress! I don't know, man. Star-crossed horniness just happens often.
2. After long enough, sex may often becomes no-frills, but in a good way. Like … let's both orgasm in under five minutes and then binge-watch an A&E true crime show together until we go to bed.
3. You'll come to rely on this person like they're one of your best friends. Which is a weird adjustment after having your best friends and random dudes you date in two very separate categories.
4. Which is scary, but good! Scary because intimacy; good because you'll always have someone to pick you up when you need to be woozily escorted home after minor surgery.
5. Someone will be on hand to carry heavy stuff and/or build IKEA furniture, without you having to text the dude you hooked up with one time from OkCupid and bribe him to come over and construct your new Flürm for you.
6. You will become the person who (occasionally!) blows off her friends for her significant other. Nobody wants to be that person — it just happens. "It" being "Ughhh, I don't want to stop cuddling with my person and drag my ass across town to have a drink with Emily" — for the first time ever. (Because before you were always Emily/the annoyed single friend.)
7. And you'll start feeling weird divulging intimate stuff between the two of you to your friends. Whereas, again, back when you were single and dating, your sex life was totally open for discussion.
8. Gross shit will happen. He'll enjoy popping your zits, for instance.
9. Your layers of vanity will shed until you're basically down to what you looked like in your seventh-grade class picture. Zero makeup? Yes. Frizzy, greasy hair? Check. Glasses? Check. Weird jeans that don't fit right because it's laundry day? Yep.
10. You're going to find out exactly how much you like someone as a person and not just as a crush. And it may not be pretty! But it also might be totally awesome, so sometimes the risk is worth it.
11. There's no bad time to say, "I love you." I feel like this is something people invented to try to stop people from expressing their feelings … and lord knows that's the best way to waste your goddamn time.
12. You'll learn to put up with their weird family because you sort of have to. Not to mention politely compartmentalize all the pillow talks you've had about how messed up your families are.
13. Eventually, even if you "don't believe in marriage," this is very likely how you will start thinking about marriage:
14. When you do fight, it'll get more vicious than your most infamous girlfriend fights. That shit makes Hannah and Marnie's "You're the wound!" fight on Girls look like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
15. Cuddling will never stop being good. Much like binging on Sno-Caps exclusively in movie theaters, it will always just feel right.
16. Compromise Is Key
Compromise is SO important in a relationship. If one or both of you are not willing to do something you don't want to do once in a while, things are never going to work out. I'm a very stubborn person, and compromising can be really hard for me. But it didn't take long for me to figure out that I had to compromise sometimes if I wanted to have a good relationship.
17. You Absolutely Can't Be Too Dependent On Each Other
Dependency might seem romantic and sweet, but it's not. It will ruin your relationship. If one or both of you are too dependent on the other person, you're going to drive yourselves crazy. My ex and I were very dependent on each other. We didn't know how to function if we weren't together. We couldn't do anything apart. It was horrible! When we broke up, this dependency made things a million times worse. Make sure you are your own person, even when dating someone.
18. You Can't Change Someone
I know you probably hear this all the time, but really listen: you cannot change someone, no matter how much you want to. I heard that all the time too, but I still thought I could change my ex. I couldn't, obviously. People are who they are, and they will only change if they want to.
19. If You're Not Happy, You Need To End It Sooner Rather Than Later
Don't stretch out a bad relationship. In my first relationship, I wasn't happy for over a year before I did anything about it. It took me a long time to end things because I felt bad and because I was scared. I wish I had broken up with him sooner, honestly, because I wasted a lot of time being scared. Don't be scared! If you're unhappy, end things. Just do it. You won't regret it.
20. Breaking Up Is Really Hard... But It's Not The End Of The World
Relationships end a lot of the time. Breakups ARE extremely difficult. But you WILL get through them. In my first relationship, I was so afraid of going through a breakup that I ended up dragging things out. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. But during my first breakup, I learned so much about myself. I saw how strong I was and I really ended up appreciating being single. Yes, I felt lonely for months and cried myself to sleep a lot and saw a therapist, but things worked out in the end.
GOOD BYE THANKS AND COMMENT.
